Support for Spousal Caregivers

When Is "Someday?"
by Joan Martin

As I look back over the past 60 years, my mind is thinking about a young girl who always dreamed of "Someday."  "Someday" I'll be pretty.  "Someday" I'll have someone who cares about me.  "Someday" I'll be happy.  "Someday" I will be a Cinderella.

 

I was 15 years old when I first met my prince, and I knew, even though he was older than me, that he was going to be in my "Someday."  We stayed in touch while I finished high school and he was in the army.  Four years later we were married.  I felt like my "Someday" had started to come true!

After six wonderful years of marriage, we didn't have any children, and all the doctors and their tests couldn't give us any answers.  On an April day, I went to see a doctor about having a flu virus and came home to announce that I was expecting a baby.  Here was the beginning of our family.  We were elated!  After six years of no children, I had six children in nine years.  What a joy! 

However, shortly after our last daughter was born, my husband began having problems with his eyes and with walking.  As the story goes, it was all downhill after that.  Two years later, the doctors informed me that Dan had MS.  My world came to a standstill.  I was the mother of six children, the wife of an ill husband and I was only 38 years old.  Why was my "Someday" leaving me?

I put all my efforts into raising my family and caring for my husband.  Now, my children are grown and the years passed by, but as you all know, it took its toll.  I felt tired, empty, angry, and frustrated, and along the way, I lost who I was.  The person who kept me going was my husband.  He was my biggest fan, and kept me still believing in "Someday."

After years of care at home, hospitals and rehabs, Dan entered a nursing home.  He asked to go because he said he couldn't struggle anymore even though he had nurses, aides and me at home. 

I see him in a whole new life at the Home.  He looks so happy!   He goes to the dining room for his meals, attends all the activities and socials, goes to church sometimes and has a wonderful roommate.  He is a great listener and takes time to visit other residents. His memory is perfect, his attitude is remarkable and his concern for me is to be admired.  To know him is to love him.

I resent the disease that came like a thief in the night and stole my "Someday."

Copyright, Well Spouse® Association

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Freehold, NJ 07728
Freehold, NJ 07728
Phone: (800) 838-0879
Phone: (800) 838-0879