2009 WSA Annual Conference Notes  - by Richard Anderson and Dorothy Saunders

Friday Oct. 23: dinner was followed by Janet Cromer giving the Keynote Address: Survival Strategies for Long-Term Mainstays, speaking about what it was like for her, caring for her late husband, who had acquired brain injury, due to a major heart attack. As she told her story, she pointed to tips for the spousal caregiver on how to survive.  Later, WSA member Mike Dash gave us a dose of his distinctive brand of comedy.

Saturday Oct. 24 morning workshops:

After breakfast, and an early-morning yoga session, it was time for the Conference workshops.

In Rehabilitation for the Spirit: Hers, Mine and Ours, Jack Fuhrer gave us a moving account of how he worked with his wife after her major stroke, to help her rehabilitation. An engineer by training, he brought his unique perspective and skills to bear in helping her resume her musical and artistic life in new ways. He worked out a way for her to teach piano by playing one part with her good hand, and singing the other hand’s part. With his help as a page turner, she was able to rejoin the community choir which she had sung in for many years. And he developed a unique, 3-handed quilting method -- which used her good hand, and his two, to create a beautiful finished product, that he brought along to display.

The workshop on hospice was led by Erwin Abrams, the President of Hospice of the Chesapeake.  Mr. Abrams discussed myths about hospice care, and advised us on what to look for when selecting a hospice provider ( e.g. accreditation, an active volunteer base, and extensive bereavement care).  He talked of encouraging the dying person to complete 5 tasks, which consist of saying: Forgive me; I forgive you; I love you;  Thank you; and Goodbye.  An affable and compassionate speaker, Mr. Abrams elicited smiles and even chuckles as he wove jokes and uplifting anecdotes into his informative presentation.

Henriette Kellum, LCSW, a therapist and counselor to families dealing with chronic illness, gave a workshop on Anger for the caregiver. With much input from those in attendance, she discussed coping techniques, such as leaving the room when an ill spouse gets verbally abusive.  She alerted us to the fact that the rates of depression and stress-related illnesses are high among caregivers, and urged us to make self-care a priority.  Although acknowledging that it can be difficult to do, she reminded us to place the blame for some problems on the illness rather than on the ill spouse.

For Former Well Spouses, a workshop called Embarking on a New Voyage, was given by WSA members Janet Cromer, Jim Anderson and Rona Auster. Janet and Jim (who recently married -- Congratulations!) and Rona led discussion of issues after the death of a spouse, institutionalization, separation or divorce. As they went around the room for personal stories, it was clear that each person had their own unique ways of grieving and dealing with the end of a marriage that had involved chronic illness and/or disability.

New President Larry Bocchiere, and Past President Richard Anderson led the Men’s Workshop, All it takes is Duct Tape and… A bright green roll of duct tape was passed from speaker to speaker. We began by making fun of the concept of men being always ready to “fix things” with duct tape, real or symbolic. Then we delved deeper into the feelings that arise for the long-term male spousal caregiver. As an example, this wise suggestion arose: in making caregiving decisions, there is always the chance of a good or a bad outcome. If the latter, don’t beat yourself up about it -- as long as you know your heart is in the right place, you will need to accept that you did your best, and cannot control everything.

Edie Brozanski, a WSA Support Group leader and well spouse from Pittsburgh led the Women’s Workshop in Going for our Dreams. Participants described what their dreams were, and how they hoped to accomplish them, as current or former well spouses.A Support Group Leaders’ luncheon was held in the hotel, led by Donna McQuade, Rona Auster and Wendy Picardo. It was a chance for leaders to compare notes to take back to their groups. We decided to start planning a Support Group Leaders’ respite weekend, with workshops and relaxation time.Many conference attendees went on the Annapolis harbor cruise, and then it was time to get ready for the Saturday evening dinner-dance and raffle, at which Martha Scott and Richard Anderson were presented with this year’s Lifetime Achievement Awards.

Sunday Oct. 25 morning saw a brunch, with Richard Anderson delivering the Caregiver Journey Powerpoint presentation. This is available in 3 versions: for people to present to family caregivers (including but not solely spousal caregivers); to professional caregivers; and to the general public (friends, workmates and family). A very moving Closing Ceremony was led by Rona Auster.